You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
