All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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