I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
