you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
