no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
its not stalking. its research.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
