I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
