Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
