I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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