I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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