Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I love black thongs
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
