i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
