i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
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