Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The air was thick with penises
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
