After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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