So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
are you so shy because you have an std?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
