Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
