Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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