Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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