He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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