Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
