Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
