i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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