It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
