that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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