Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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