It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
