I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
