she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
