If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
