I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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