What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
