i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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