just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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