Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
