Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
