Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
