Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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