NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
