My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
