I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
