Just fell off a train. Bad.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Edward fifth and chaser hands
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
