it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
