so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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