end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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