I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
