Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
