whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
