hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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