seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
