I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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