you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just found puke in my bra..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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