Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
