hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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